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The program for the Kennedy Center in Washington D.C. features a playful bilingual production and an improvised theatrical troupe. Curiously absent from the advertised line-up is this week's Geopolitics World Cup draw, presumably because it is a strictly closed-door event. Officials seem intent on keep out any unwanted guests from gaining entry at what promises to be an drawn-out, self-aggrandizing spectacle where well-paid dignitaries will doubtlessly repeat the old platitude that "soccer unites the world."

An A-List Hosting Team

A glamorous event is set to be emceed by television personality Heidi Klum and diminutive American comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Adding to the star power will be gridiron legend Eli Manning on welcoming details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roving correspondent. Together, they will oversee a ceremony that will certainly have English football fans of a certain age yearning for the halcyon, unpretentious days of Graham Taylor, Sir Bert Millichip, the FA tombola and a trusty velvet bag of simple, lottery balls.

Set to last nearly three torturous hours, the event will feature a lengthy playlist of speechifying, saccharine video montages, pre-vetted jokes, famous faces, performances from acts with perhaps no embarrassment or financial motivations, and then... at last, the real World Cup draw.

Sporting Legends on Ceremony Duty

Included in those helping to carrying out the ceremony? Basketball giant Shaquille O'Neal, hockey icon Wayne Gretzky, football quarterback legend Tom Brady and baseball slugger Aaron Judge, all plucking balls under the supervision of former defender Rio Ferdinand. Given the considerable, untapped reservoir of charisma possessed by these ageing sporting legends, barring an uniformed snatch-squad storming the ceremony, it's hard to envision what could possibly go wrong.

In reality, not much, if the tone-deaf defence of FIFA's widely reported World Cup ticket price-gouging mounted by an overly deferential English yes-man is any sort of gauge. When asked if tickets should be more accessible for average fans, the reply was non-committal. "In my view we have to be aware of that and I think FIFA are certainly an organization that are aware of that," was the statement. "But listen, I think we can look at every sector, every area, we could have that discussion about things," he added. The implication seemed to be that high prices are acceptable when compared with other luxury items.

The Football Business

With 42 countries already qualified for next summer's tournament and another six due to join, there will be a genuine air of excitement once the preliminaries conclude and the actual draw gets under way. But as fans across the globe wait with great anticipation to see which three nations their own country will face in the initial phase, the anticipation pales in comparison to that which comes before the reveal of the winner of FIFA's first-ever peace prize for "individuals who help unite people in peace through steadfast commitment and special deeds." Considering the draw is in the US capital and the tournament is mostly in the US, speculation about the winner are ripe, even if the hints are apparent.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was in contact with the owner today. My connection with him is rock solid really. I have a truly open, honest and realistic relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have completely no worries whatsoever" – a statement from a manager whose side in the midst of a five-match winless run, providing a classic quote-that-will-definitely-get-resurfaced should a dismissal occur in the future.

Readers' Letters

• "Regarding the mention of a possible club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at Fulham who cost north of £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to buy a Highland League club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to football games in the past, when the opponent was 'Keith', a common jest was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "My reading ceased after nine words. 'Comprised of'! Of what were you thinking? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an extra official."
• "Concern is growing ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what catchy ditty will a famous group come up with if a certain individual refuses to leave the stage, thereby necessitating an encore?"